Rain. Not cute.

Fierce boots will make the rain better, Momma says.

As I was driving the 405 South bound and embracing the usual slow traffic from the Getty to LAX (essentially the entire West side), which is now intensified by the rain that is falling in ways we haven't seen since El Nino (I may be exaggerating) I couldn't help but wonder-- how many first dates are put on hold by the rain?

How do people deal with this type of weather?

California you have me spoiled. I don't know how to take care of myself. You've ripped the rug of sunshine from under me.

Frizzy hair. Bad traffic. The dread of walking out the door and facing the cold dampness. As a native Southern Californian I just can't comprehend and process. I am not equipped on how to handle variable/unfavorable weather while dating.

I'm in a baggin dry spell.

I blame the rain.

The Date That Wasn't

Can we agree that the Cheers bar is ridiculously large?

L'Chaim! 

About a year ago I became involved with a Jewish social group, Moishe House. This group of 20-somethings with the occasional 30-something was a great way to meet people out of my social network and get my Jewish men fix. If you visit a Moishe House don’t go with the intent of finding your future spouse because you will be let down—as are most situations with high expectations. I always attended with an open mind and no intentions of finding my soul mate. I no longer attend events but I walked away with a new girlfriend, some good stories, delicious Shabbat dinners consumed and some good flirt sessions (take advantage of the practice when you can!).

From ew to baggable.
At an event last month I met this fella who upon first sight seemed like a total dweeb. Straight up dweeb. Frankly, I shuddered with disdain when he walked up to my circle to join the banter. If I was a sexually repressed football player of Glee I would’ve slurpeed him to the face.

OK so in Glee we learn Dweebs are actually cool. Rachel finally dates Quinn. The kid in the wheelchair gets to bone the cheerleader. And my Dweeb as it turns out is funny as fuck and could hold his own. One point for the Dweebs. Begin Lady GaGa “Born This Way” mashed with Spice Girls “Wannabe.”

I was so impressed by his ability to keep up with my sassiness I asked for his number. And yes, there was so an awkward tension caused by the people around us staring. Can’t people exchange numbers without people giving an oogling look?! It’s not like we’re boning on the spot and exchanging vows. Interest is merely piqued. 

Let me show you my town. 
This bagged gentleman dude was new to town and I live in a great area worthy of showing off. After we parted Moishe I suggested I show him around and that I would be in touch.

Although I asked for his number he called me first later that week. A man who can call a girl is a rare find. The confidence and ease of the effort was truly refreshing. Nice one Dweeb.

I suggested meeting at a great little Cuban restaurant.

Flirty texting ensued leading up to the date.

I had my A game on and was ready to enjoy the evening.

Me, “Hi! Great to see you!”

Him, “Hi! Yea, so I invited Rachel.”

LOOK OF SHOCK ON MY FACE. 

Me, “Well you better tell the host because I told him a table for two.”

He knew what he had done was so not kosher. I was not threatened by this girl. I did not have enough invested in this dude to really care the outcome. I had met her before and he told me she was like sister.

Who brings their sister on a date?!

We enjoyed our evening and I put on a good face but the whole time thought WHAT THE FUCK.

I’m on a quest to bag. We’re counting this as a bag just a bag gone wrong.

Cheers! Where everyone knows your name.
Victory was mine when after dinner we went to a local watering hole. The stars were aligned when I spotted three guys I knew at the bar. This isn’t a regular occurrence for me to run into people and I definitely didn’t plan it in advance.

My friends gave me a warm welcome with hugs and showered me with attention. Did I mention they’re pretty good looking?

Dude was visibly uncomfortable. I was reveling in the moment.

A bit tipsy I went to the bathroom and texted one of my girlfriends the cliff cliff notes while giggling in the stall.

I walked back from the bathroom BEAMING with confidence.

It became clear to me I was no longer interested in Dude. And for all I cared he could go fuck himself. Alcohol will do that.


I know who I want to take me home.
We left the bar and the sister/friend went home (for the record she is nice and I felt bad she got dragged into it). Dude and I spend some time talking afterwards and I did enjoy the conversation. But the killer was my body language did not read flirtation or interest whatsoever. I was engaged in conversation and I was enjoyable but body language gives so much insight to what a person thinks in terms of potential romance.

From the instant he said “I invited Rachel” my body language turned from date flirtation to friend casual time. Friend casual time? I hope that explains itself.

He drove me home and his parting words were, “Next time, it’ll be just the two of us.”

I never heard from him again.

photo: vintagestills.com

The Interview

Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it? 

My first week on Chemistry was a success. I had a handful of men who were mutually interested in me and a few I was willing to give a shot. This definitely boosted my confidence in my purchase and my awesome profile.

Because I joined during the holidays it was hard to meet up with people as I was going on vacation and people were spending time with family. Take note of the season and surrounding holidays when joining a dating site. Something I did not really take in to consideration. After about two weeks of quick messaging it was time to meet Jeff. OK I don’t remember his name… which is rather telling, but we’ll call him Jeff.

We met up for coffee one day after work. The location and time was my idea. Why did I pick meeting for coffee? There was some comedian on Comedy Central recently talking about what a horrible idea it is to go out to coffee when meeting someone for the first time and I have to admit it’s not the most ideal scenario. Unless of course you’re a coffee aficionado or truly love coffee. It was just something I had seen on TV and in those picture shows so many times it was ingrained in my head that that is what you do.

I picked a locally owned coffee shop because he’s from the Midwest and I assumed he would appreciate something local. I felt a Starbucks wouldn’t have quite the romantic quality. In any event, I arrive punctually and spot him ordering his beverage at the counter. I could only see the back of him but I was immediately turned off by his choice in pants, shoes, and jacket. I told myself to knock it off and waited for him to turn around.

“Hey, Jeff?”

I then stuck my hand out for a handshake. I think from there on it was downhill. Handshake? Is that a proper gesture for a first time meeting/date? I am not good with these things but I have a tendency to make the first move so as to get it over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid but not really knowing if the wound is healed enough to warrant the Band-Aid coming off. Too soon. It wasn’t even a flirtatious handshake it was a firm lets do this handshake. As if we had engaged in some sort of game.

I order a latte. Why the fuck did I order a latte at 6pm at night? I am sensitive to the effects of caffeine and have no business ordering coffee past 3pm unless I have some shit to do. He ordered a small ice tea. We paid separately and it’s safe to say if you want to avoid the “who pays?” dance go get coffee. You can arrive a few minutes prior to meeting, order your bevie and let them take care of their own. One of the few positives to the coffee meet up.

We awkwardly shuffled between tables before settling on one near the front giving me perfect view of the entire shop. If I got bored I could at least look at everyone else enjoying their evening. 

Now begins the interview. A sleuth of questions trying to get to know each other. For the record, I was up beat, smiling and putting on a good face and seeming sincere. I asked a majority of the questions. Digging as deep as I could to find SOMETHING to relate to. You know what I finally landed on? A station wagon. He owned a station wagon. I want to own a station wagon (stop your judgment). That’s it?! Station wagons?! We both lit up when we could finally relate. But I know very little about station wagons other than I want to own one so the light didn’t flicker for very long.

How did I end up in this situation? For starters our messages on Chemistry were very brief and we kept things on the surface. We never found something all that relatable in our messaging that we could then bring to the table at the coffee shop. I never considered this a red flag as I have had great conversations upon meeting new people.

The second, he’s an engineer and I’m in creative. Our brains work very differently. He answered the questions and talked to detail about his interests. I would chime in with a few of my interests. The way we spoke about our respective lives just did not sync whatsoever. Even when talking about the same things. Say hiking for instance, but what he favored and what I favored in hiking were completely different.

After an hour of this I decided it was enough. Yea, an HOUR. Luckily I had previously informed him of my very strict workout schedule I maintain and had a go to response to leave. But then as we walked outside and I gave him a hug I kept saying over and over again “It was really great to finally meet you.” Since when to I turn into a compulsive liar? I was so uncomfortable with the goodbye and I didn’t have the heart to say, “This wasn’t all that enjoyable but you’re a nice guy. Have a good life and good luck finding someone.” What does one say?! I didn’t wish him any ill will and he really was a nice guy we just weren’t compatible at all. Not one ounce of compatibility. I even told him, “Give me a call or a text sometime if you’re free.” WORD VOMIT.

He never did call or text. The guy was probably just as miserable as I was but like me kept a good face for courtesy. I would kill to find out what he told his friends. My first words describing the date are, “He wore cargo pants.” Because my friends are hilarious bitches who get a kick out of the small details.

So upon reflection, maybe it wasn’t the coffee shop’s fault. It was our fault for not forging some sort of REAL conversation via email.