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| Did you smoosh? -JWOWW |
The now infamous Jersey Shore cast fist pumped its “guido-isms”, bedazzled flashy/trashy style, and fake tans so deeply into our [Pop] Culture this year, that I figured there was no better way to begin my reflection on 2010 than with a Jersey Shore lexicon. I’m not ashamed to admit that I watch Jersey Shore, nor that I have a girl crush on JWOWW and would consider stalking Pauly D’s whole life.
Last year, thanks to our favorite guidos/guidettes, America learned what the “smoosh” was, and I personally have declared that I have reached my quota of “smooshing”. To put it simply, “smooshing” is the act of hooking up. In season two of Jersey Shore we learn smooshing or hooking up is vaguely defined and conveniently so.
Just as most of us throw around the term “hooking up” loosely, Angelina, the most detested slutbag of a roommate, explains that a “smoosh” can be interpreted anywhere from making out to having sex. This vague interpretation worked in her favor after smooshing when maybe she shouldn’t have been (i.e. sleeping around with her roommates/getting Snooki’s sloopy seconds when she has a boyfriend). When I tell my girlfriends and gay boyfriends that I “smooshed”, about twenty minutes later, without fail, I’ll need to go into some sort of detail of what the smoosh actually entailed. There is safety in the terms “smoosh” and “hook up” because depending on who the listening party is, if alcohol was involved, and how hot (or ugly) the other party was – we can leave certain details up to the imagination.
On that note and in the favor of taste - I’ll leave it up to your imagination how far each of my smooshes went and at what rate they occurred throughout the year. I would give you a conservative/liberal scale but inevitably each reader would define that differently. Lets just say no trips to Planned Parenthood were needed (although I am a full supporter of PP!) and I can count the men on two hands. Some would complain that that’s one hand too many, and others would say I need to liberate myself. Well, this is me and I’m throwing in the towel.
I’m not the first woman and I won’t be the last to have this sudden change of course. I blame my astrological sign and the incessant viewing of the Little Mermaid as a child for my yearning desire to find my Prince charming. Each time a boy would look my way in class, talk to me during flip cup or make out with me in the bar I was convinced he was going to call me the next day, we would flirt text for a week, he would then ask me out and, he would fall madly for my charm, my mermaid tail would grow to legs, and we would live happily ever after. Wait, what? By the end of college I chilled out and realized that was flawed, if not clinically insane, thinking. In turn, I started hooking up without any expectations and it was damn fun. And now at the ripe age of 2[x] I have become bored by meaningless smooshes and acknowledge my need for partnership. I remind myself that like smooshing a date does not guarantee partnership. However, I am convinced baggin dates is a much more secure strategy.
For one year I commit myself to no hooking up, no smooshing. (Unless JWOWW calls)
On New Years Eve in a drunken text exchange I told my dear friend “365 days of not smooshing lily gon be cranky” which prompted her to say “not until commitment??” (The “C” word if you will) Commitment also being somewhat of a loose term I realized. Where will the line be drawn? When can I let the smoosh out of the gate? I need to determine when hooking up/smooshing is no longer considered just hooking up/smooshing. Hopped up on rice krispie treats and bourbon, my immediate yet clouded reaction was “limit is second base!” But that didn’t quite make sense. Do I really need to define the level of commitment associated with each base in the fast paced game of hooking up? I don’t think that’s easy to define at this time, but I can put some broad guidelines out for now. No sex until I can say “Hi nice to meet you. Did you meet my boyfriend, Mr. Charming?” As the blog progresses so will my conclusions on this matter. Stay tuned.
I have no grand scheme for the blog other than to learn more about myself as an independent 20-something on the dating scene. I’m a novice player and intend to share my humilities throughout the process. I hope to make you laugh and provide you with at least one tip for your potential year-of-dating-playbook. I look forward to sharing this year with you.
