24 Hour Champagne Diet

Dream date involves bottomless mimosas.

Happy Sunday everyone! I wish it were more acceptable to order mimosas on a date outside the confines of brunch or brunching hours.

Champagne Dreams.

10 Reasons It Would Rule to Date a Unicorn

I consider that a mess.

Mingle2.com wants you to think they're fresh and vibrant. They're totally hip and cool making jokes about unicorns. I'll admit I was moderately amused by their marketing ploy 10 Reasons It Would Rule to Date a Unicorn.

Texting Meltdown

Talk With Your Hands. 

Since the age of ten, beginning with AOL's Instant Messenger (take note kids, aim stands for something), I have honed the craft of online chatting. Additionally, let’s recount the countless hours in chat rooms asking strangers their a/s/l never really concerned or phased by the potential of talking to a sex predator.

AOL had me well poised when texting rolled out. I still remember my first text. It was from a boy and it literally blew my mind. I stared at my Nokia phone with my bumble bee colored plate with pure amazement. How did my crush get little letters to show up on my phone. Magic!

Why is this relevant? Because most dating websites, if not all, have their own instant messaging systems. Which is a totally different ball game than email messages. Bring on the OKCupid chats. We'll name this subject Frank. Frank, sent me a message and we were off to the races. Witty banter. Playful flirtation. Sassy quips. We talked about a range of bull shit topics seeing if the other could keep pace. We had so much fun we exchanged numbers right away. We transitioned to texting seamlessly. After a mere week of this we decided to meet for a drink.

I prepped myself beforehand. Could I keep up the persona when we met?

Turns out Frank, couldn't. Did I care? No. I was determined to live up to my texting/chatting persona. Damned if he couldn't.

To be fair to Frank I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he didn't give himself the pep talk he needed post work exhaustion. Frank did talk though. He talked a lot in fact. We mostly talked about him. And I was fine with that. He mostly had interesting things to say. Just wasn’t witty, playful nor sassy.

Things really took a turn when it came to paying the bill. The bartender quickly took his card and before I could chime in to offer to split he closed us out. We had racked up a $45 bill. I had $5 cash with me. I offered it as partial tip money. He took it.

Frank starred at the bill for a good minute. That minute felt like eternity.

After paying the bill he excused himself to the restroom. I frantically looked around to see if there was an ATM. His body language put me into a tizzy. No ATM. I told myself to relax and we resumed the date. The fact that we talked for another half an hour lead me to believe that I was being silly to think he was upset about the bill.

That night on the way home I texted him thank you and the next round was on me. I felt some pressure relieved by sending that. Although, I've circulated this story in the last week since the incident and everyone has reminded me the guy knows the score when it comes to paying the bill.

He didn’t respond until 3pm the next day. Note: if you consistently respond to text messages immediately you have set a bar. It was clear to me something was amiss.

The response, “No prob. You’re welcome for drinks. I accept pay pal though.” Was that witty, playful or sassy? I crafted what I think to be the perfect response, please feel free to tell me what you would’ve said. I playfully said, “Pay pal, that’s a first.”

Frank never replied. Communication meltdown.

Smiles and smells

I finally get the obsessive nature of cologne ads.

I have a headache from his cologne. I was so enamored with the smell. With every breath I took I soaked in the manly yet sweet scent. So much so I gave myself a headache.

I'll willingly start carrying Advil with me. Fingers crossed this one calls again.

#smitten

Incomplete Message!

Did he merely get distracted?

Something urgent has come up. I’ve been messaging with a seemingly cool guy on OKCupid. We’re ready to schedule a meet up. In my last message I let him know my availability.

He responded with what seems to be an incomplete message. It is two lines in response to our banter about nonsense. The second sentence did not have any punctuation. And he did not address his availability. Note: His grammar and punctuation has been supherb.

I thought a message would come soon after apologizing for the misstep and have the complete message. Three and a half hours later and nothing.

My question to you: Should I say something? “Hey man, so like, are we hanging out or what? I think you hit send too early. Whoops! Hah hah” ????

UPDATE: He sent a follow up message. Yet, did not address the flighty message. For the sake of being a crazy woman because I feel like it, should I consider this a red flag? Pass.


We're scheduled to meet Wednesday. Location TBD. 

Watch the Throne

Chirp. Chirp. Are you there? I’m giving this another go. After too many months not worth mentioning I’m inspired to revive this blog. And by revive I mean give it the attention it deserves. So let’s get to it.

I started a new job and moved. In between the new job and the move I had a horrendous cold post Coachella. It turned into walking pneumonia. My health insurance didn't kick in immediately. I avoided the doctor until I was covered and was sick for about six weeks. Needless to say I was not baggin’ in that time.

I’m now settled. I no longer feel I’m going to be fired (well not as frequently). I got my swagger back! With four dates or so under my belt I’m itching to tell the world about them.

I feel this good: 

Up next: Passive aggressive texts, the wonders of OKCupid, and why you should plan your next date at the Largo.


xoxo,

Lily